All the World's a Stage
by Mrs. Jean Grey-Summers
Summary: PARODY This is a idiodic version of the steriotypical stories written about the Xmen. Those who are easily offended should not read. JOTT, LORO, ROMY, KURTTY, KIETRO, KIOTR, LANCITTY, and more!


The female narrator came out, dressed as an ancient Roman and clears her throat.

"Pssttt..." the male narrator called from stage left.

She turned toward him. "What?"

"Why are you dressed like that?"

"Because it's fun. Watch." She snapped her fingers and suddenly, he, too was dress as an ancient Roman.

He nodded. "I guess it is kinda fun. Continue."

She cleared her throat again. "The scene starts with a lovely picture of the sky. It's a beautiful sky. In fact, it's probably the most beautiful sky I've ever seen. It brings a tear to my eye." She stops to wipe her eyes, but suddenly stops and squints at the picture. "Oh, man. What is that?"

"It is I!" Ororo announced, flying by.

"Who are you to interrupt my narration!" The narrator growled. "You shall pay!" She added. "The strange white-haired woman suddenly fell, careening, to the ground! Mwahaha!"

And, of course, Ororo did just that.

Luckily for her, though, she landed right in Logan's arms.

"Wow! That was a nice catch!" she commended.

"Thanks. I walk around with my arms out like this just in case." He smiled, not bothering to put her down. "So... What are we supposed to be doing?"

"I think we're supposed to be waiting for Scott and Jean to come out here or something." The weather-witch responded.

"Oh..." he said, nodding. And then he nodded and nodded and nodded. And then he nodded some more. And then... he nodded.

"Is your head broken?" Ororo wondered.

He nodded. "Yes. Could you stop it for me. I would do it myself, but I'm choosing to carry you right now."

Ororo reached up and stopped his head from bobbing.

"Thanks." He responded with a wolfish grin.

"Why are you grinning like that?" she asked.

"Because, that is sadly one of the only words the authoress of this fanfiction knows." He said, starting to nod again. "Oh, damn! Could you...?" Without saying a word, she once again fixed his head. "Thanks."

"So..." Ororo started after a few moments of silence. Her legs were, in all honesty, going numb from the way he was holding her. "Could you put me down now, Logan?"

Wolverine suddenly started crying.

"What's wrong?" she asked, panicking.

"One of my many, many old girlfriends, of which I can't remember her name, but I'm 67 sure it was a her, said that exact thing to me once, but I can't remember!" he cried.

"I'm sorry." She replied, patting him on the back. "Would it help if we randomly kissed like we used to do in the comics before I got a real eye color?"

He nodded and they shared a passionate kiss.

Meanwhile...

Professor Xavier sat in front of his full length mirror, crying his eyes out.

Kurt and Rogue walked in.

"Professor? Why are you crying!" Rogue yelled, sounding devastated.

"Yeah! It's not fair for you to cry! Zat would take avay some of our angst!" Kurt agreed. "Zere's only room for us to be angsty!"

Prof. X immediately stopped crying. "What about Todd? And Wanda? Authors give them quite a bit, too."

The two teens' narrowed their eyes. "We shall defeat them!"

"And with that, they ran out." The male narrator...um...narrated... "Though I'm not sure why..."

"I think they had to go beat up Toad and Scarlet Witch." Professor Xavier replied.

"Oh yes, thank you."

"No problem." Charles answered, looking back to his mirror. "Hey, I look pretty good..." he started doing random poses like a buff guy.

"And... umm... the scene switches to... um... pretty much anything else will do! I have to wash my eyes!" the male narrator yelled, running out.

"It switches to... Kitty." The female narrator, watching Prof. X and nodding in approval. Everybody looked at her oddly. "Oh, um... Kitty was sitting in her room talking to Lance on the phone..."

"Like, oh my God!" Kitty said into the phone. "Like sure! I'd like love to like go out with like you, Lance! Smooches!" she said, hanging up the phone.

Kitty picked up her planner and wrote that she was going on a date with Lance tomorrow at 6pm.

Rogue suddenly came in.

"Like hi, Rogue, who is like totally nothing like me but is so like my best friend, anyway!"

Rogue frowned. "Shut up, Kit. Ah have to sulk."

"Did something like bad like happen?" the valley girl asked, concern written all over her face.

"No. Ah just beat up Wanda and regained mah riaghtful place as the one true angsty gal!" Rogue shouted. Then she burst out in tears. "Why does no one understand me?"

"Um..." Kitty started, twirling a piece of hair around her finger. "I hafta like go like flirt with some guys at like the mall now, okay? Smooches!" she yelled, running from the room.

Suddenly, Gambit tried to swing in the window, but it was closed, so he hit the glass.

Rogue gasped and ran to the window, opening it. He crawled in and looked quite injured.

"Ah hate you." Rogue stated.

"But I love you, chere." Remy answered.

"But Ah can't touch you!" she replied.

"But I don't care! I love you, anyway, chere!" he said, pulling her close.

"That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me! But Ah'm still gonna call ya "Swamp Rat"," she stated.

"That's fine by me, chere." He replied, kissing her and for some magic reason, not being absorbed.

"Ah can touch you!" Rogue shouted.

"Yeay!" Remy squealed. "Let's run away from the X-Men for a few years and come back with like three kids and fancy detective jobs, chere!"

"Yeah!" Rogue agreed. "Maybe Ah could even forget who Ah am!"

"Yeah, chere!" Remy grabbed her around the waist and jump out the window, magically landing on his feet.

"They ran off into the sunset..." the female narrator said. "Probably to do un-PG-13 things..."

The male narrator coughed. "None of that now."

She shrugged. "Meanwhile... Kitty was walking down the mall, when she ran into Colossus."

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "You're like that like really cute like bad guy that like Kurt like is so like totally jealous of!"

"Yes." He replied. "But you may call me Piotr."

"I like will!" she stated.

"Kitty, I feel like we have a strong connection, despite the age difference. Would you like to go out with me tomorrow at 6pm?"

"Like sure!" she replied, taking out her planner and writing that she had a date with Piotr at 6pm right below her date with Lance. "Like smooches!" she yelled, going home.

"Pietro came over and bugged everyone." The female narrator stated, sounding bored.

"Hahahahahaha!Youcanneverstopmebecausei'mfasterthanyouespeciallyEvanwhoisslowerthanapotatoe!" Quicksilver announced.

"Ha! Potatoes can't even walk!" Evan replied, crawling out of the sewer.

"Thatsmypointexactly!" Pietro laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and coughed and laughed some more.

"You can understand him?" Hank gasped.

"Well, duh!" Evan replied, jumping into the toilet and flushing himself back into the sewers.

"I'm like home!" Kitty announced.

"HeyKitKatwillyougooutwithmetomorrowat6pm?" Pietro asked.

"Like sure!" she replied, writing it below her date with Piotr.

"OkayI'mgonnagohomenowandbosstheBrotherhoodaround!" he announced, leaving.

Kurt BAMFed into the room.

"Katzechen!" he gasped.

"Like Kurt!" she gasped back. "I'm like totally like sad because like I just like found out that like Lance has two girlfriends like besides me!"

"I zink I love you!" he announced.

"I like think I like love you, too, Fuzzy!"

They kissed for a brief moment before breaking apart. Kurt took a deep breath, nervous even though he just kissed her. "Wanna go out tomorrow at 6pm?"

"Like sure!" she replied, writing that date in her book, too.

"Um... Elsewhere, Jean suddenly woke up." The male narrator said, shrugging.

Jean sat up in bed and squinted her eyes. She poked the sleeping form next to her.

Scott turned over and looked at the clock. "It's only 3pm. Go back to sleep."

Jean eyed him oddly. "Who are you and what have you done with my Scott?"

"What?" he asked, sitting up.

"Clone!" she screamed, throwing a pillow at him.

"What?"

"Evil!" she hit him again.

"Stop that!" he yelled.

"Poopy-head!" she hit him again.

He grabbed her wrists. "Jean! Jean it's me! We have a bond!"

"Oh yes! Our bond!" Jean closed her eyes and put her hand on her head. "It helps me know where Scott is! It will me find him. I think I got it!" She opened her eyes and saw Scott. "I found you!"

"Yeay!" Scott cheered, hugging her.

"Scott?" she asked.

"Yes, Jean?"

"Are we supposed to be somewhere?"

"I don't know." Scott shrugged. "Let's go to the DR and force the younger kids to work until they can't work no more!"

Jean nodded. "Sounds fun to me."

"And they left." The male narrator said. "The End."


End file.
